Suzy Q Homemaker

In my dream last night, I auditioned for American Idol. I didn't tell anyone I was going to do it; I gathered up Simon and snuck away to Atlanta for a day.

After making into the final 12, they were doing montages about what the contestants did during the day. In mine, they showed me nursing Simon and wearing him around Hollywood in a Simon Didymos (which, in real life, I want so bad it HURTS). They interviewed me and asked me why I didn't just leave him at home, and I was like, duh, he's still nursing.

Because of this, I became super-famous on MDC and was the new face of AP.

I don't watch American Idol. I mean, I don't watch it on purpose. If it's on 10 minutes before the news is on, I'll watch the last contestant and the little recap at the end of the show. I don't even know any of their names. I did watch it a little last night and was confused about the 17-year-old who sang the Land Before Time theme. That's one of my favorite movies of all time, so I was afraid for her--that song is hard. Being 17, her voice isn't mature enough to handle a lot of the "gear" changes in the song, so the breaks were completely obvious. That didn't make it a bad performance because it's something that will develop with time if she has the right training.

Oh my god, I didn't just critique an American Idol performance.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN.