Suzy Q Homemaker

If one more person does a double take when I tell them how far along I am, I may scream.  Naturally, I am a petite person.  I am 5'3 3/4 " on my tallest days, and there's only so much room on my frame for a fetus.  At the gas station recently, when I was stopping by for a granola bar and a bottle of Evian, the women at the register just couldn't believe how big I was.  One of them was like, "I saw a woman your size at the hospital the other night and she was HAVING her baby!"

Trust me:  I can get even bigger than this and I have stretch marks on top of stretch marks to prove it.  I will grow until it is nearly impossible for me to bend over or get up off the couch without grunting and groaning like a moose.  Not that I know how moose sound when they are doing anything, I just want to avoid any references to those spotted mammals that go "moo".

There will come a point in this pregnancy when I won't be able to put socks on by myself or tie athletic shoes or clip my own toenails.  I will wear sundresses without shaving.  I will waddle around and people will gasp when I say I have a few more weeks to gestate.  It's frightening how enormous my body can get.

So look out.  If you see a redheaded pregnant woman dragging three boys around the store any time soon, just say, "Congratulations!" and move on.